Is who I am, and who I want to be that different? We categorize everyday, people and things into simplified versions that we can understand, but what if I still don’t understand? If even I do not know who or what I am, am I then free to shape myself into someone I wish to be? I’ve always wanted to be a hero in a story, to be loved by all. Many would say its a childish ideal, perhaps from it seeming impossible to be loved by all. Is what I want childish, do I have to do something I don’t want to do, is that adultish. No, If I want to work my way up in a boring office job until I make a comfortable amount of money to raise a family, then people would consider me mature. But I don’t want to be the boring, forgettable background character. I want to travel the world, to meet and touch the hearts of many people. I want my face to coincide with my name. I want my presence to instantly comfort those who feel it. I suppose people could find comfort in the expectability of my average background character life. That for some small puzzle out there I would make a piece that would be a inconvenience if it wasn’t present. I say all this and even I have only the faintest idea of what I want. I am a man who pretends that I know what I am doing, like so many others I carry the hidden name facade. People tell me to find content with what I have, Schopenhauer says the only the thing that makes suffering bearable is the thought that someone else has it off worse. But I do not want to be content, I crave to have satisfaction with my life, to die with a smile. People say that, that is impossible. I would say this is a world full of possibilities, what’s to say this can’t be one of them. The moment I give up and accept that I should just be content, is the moment I can never be satisfied. A person can’t just stop and dig a hole in the middle of the road still hoping they can get to the other side. People will and have warned me that I will only find disappointment in life if I continue on this path. But if life is truly purposeless like many truly believe, then what is the harm in trying. We live in a world afraid of the unknown, but in a culture that encourages us to continue on. But that is not to say that I am not terrified, I am. I’m afraid eventually I’ll come to a stop in my journey, not being able to push my self any longer, and just hoping that someone or something will come along a push me forward. Pandora left us mere humans hope, but what good is hope. It is an idea and a belief. These ideas and beliefs gain power from us humans that conjure them, why do we always seek help and guidance from anything other than ourselves? When these ideas and beliefs are created by humans, then why can’t we humans find the strength within ourselves. We see ourselves as useless, and thus so it is. We tell children not to ever give up, when that’s all that most of us have done. Many would rather have safety over purpose. We are a funny species, we find cleverer and cleverer ways to cage ourselves in. Perhaps because we know the true beasts we are, and are trying to protect ourselves from each other. Perhaps we are too afraid to admit how helpless we are, we aren’t magic, or gods. But we have the ability to make such things be true. Human imagination is a wonderful curse. It allows us to imagine better lives to just tease ourselves with. But it also allows to over come many obstacles we and so many others have put into place. I am so young and can only conjure up so much advice, but this I know. We will all be forgotten one day, nothing lasts forever, you are the only thing that holds you back, you are not the only one scared, you are not the only one confused, you are not the only one lost, You must never give up, the moment you give up is the moment you lose, death is the end of you, but it doesn’t have to be the end of who you are, You have your imagination, use it, You have only so much time, don’t regret what you have done if you have not drawn your last breath yet. Your flaws and strengths only seem different on the outside, If you love who you are others will love you, If you hate who you are others will try to comfort you, If you show determination you can spark strength in others, Our lives may be meaningless, but they mean the world to someone even if you haven’t meet them yet, Find a friend or two that help give you the ability to smile, Take time to realize what you want and go after it, even if you don’t find it, it will be one hell of a ride, the most many of us can do is give advice and hope it helps.
EliteHustler 